Save This Script, Episode 3
Mark Suszko November 29, 2022
0 Comments
In this episode, the Script Doctors' patient is a :30 TV spot intended to raise funds for an academic institution. The diagnosis is obesity, caused by passive language and lack of focus. So John and Mark trim the fat to yield a lean and healthy sales message, by applying techniques and idea-starters from John's book, Scriptwriting for High-Impact Videos.
Great videos start with a great script.
Sometimes, the scripts aren't so great.
We're script doctors; come, watch us operate.
In each installment of this series, a writer/producer team is confronted with a creative challenge. The scenario, written in screenplay format, revolves around a typical client management situation that can lead to a problem script.
The problem script itself can then be read, followed by some back-and-forth as the creative team rises to the challenge.
Each installment ends with the finished makeover script being pitched to the client. Brief commentary then further explores the strategies and insights that drove the script make-over.
FADE IN: INT. WELLINGTON TECH, ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICES - DAY Director of Materials Research, WAYNE, sits across his desk from MARK, who is a principal in Glendower Productions, and sits taking notes. MARK To raise funds for an institution, TV advertising is usually considered to be too broad. WAYNE But this is a college town. MARK So its strictly a local buy? WAYNE A gift really. The station owner is a donor. MARK I imagine some donors arent local. WAYNE Most arent local. So they see the ad on our website and YouTube, with an email pushing the link out to them. MARK Nice. Stressing its been on broadcast TV strengthens credibility. WAYNE And its going to run during every football and basketball game. MARK Who do you hope to persuade with this ad? WAYNE Largely alumni. MARK Whats in it for them? WAYNE Its the future. Nanotechnology may save your life some day. MARK Anything more ... immediate? WAYNE Breadth of research: In addition to nanotechnology weve making advances in quantum-state piezoelectric ceramics, substrate admixtures, and plasma technologies ... MARK How about right now? What lights up a donor, the minute he or she gives? WAYNE Well ... When they get a load of the lab, I see some light bulbs turn on. MARK You mentioned alumni and placement in sports programming. WAYNE School spirit. Sure. Everyone likes to see their alma mater win recognition. MARK Any guidelines for your ad? Wayne hands some paper to Mark. WAYNE Were not scriptwriters, but a lot of work has gone into this background section from grant proposals weve been submitting. We thought it could be the basis for a script, but we are having trouble shortening it, without leaving anything out. Dissolve to the proposal background section. Wellington Tech has long sought a new facility to expand the search for meta-materials of discrete and exciting new capabilities, for use in the fields of advanced computation integrated circuit device design, and with the generous support of WTI Alumnae, that search has a new locus of operation, in the recently-christened Eugenia Flatbush-Hagenbottom Center for Advanced Materials Research. (Hereafter known as the EFHCAMR)
EFHCAMR will, it is hoped, become what is generally accepted within the materials science community at large as the pre-eminent facility in the country for research into the possibilities presented by the class of substances known as meta-materials , to include, but not be limited to, such materials as Carbon Nano-tubing and Quantum-state Piezoelectric ceramics, and perhaps other breakthrough substances or admixtures, as yet unknown or unrecognized in peer-reviewed journals.
While the EFHCAMR is operational and already staffed, there is, it has become self-evident, some need for additional funding to acquire additional test and measuring equipment pursuant to specific research goals on projects now being conducted by Principal Investigators. The costs of these additional mechanisms and devices is non-trivial, and while the Institute as a whole has every wish for the success of this program's goals and objectives, additional contributions from the general fund are not foreseen as becoming available in the near time frame. As an alternative, we look to the continued generosity of Wellington Alumnae to appreciate the need for this program and to help us advance these researches with a commitment of their own financial sponsorship, commensurate to that financial need. Our Development Office will most gladly entertain any such offering.
INT. GLENDOWER OFFICE -- DAY
Mark, and another company principal, JOHN, are reviewing the client-provided source material.
JOHN
Any telegenic types there?
MARK
There is a reason theyve chosen to lock themselves in a lab, away from humanity.
JOHN
So, a professional voice then. Can we have the pro walk and talk through the lab?
MARK
I dont think so this time. Budget issues. But we can afford a day to shoot b roll, and theres some real visually interesting stuff there.
JOHN
So what are we selling?
MARK
Be true to your school. Its all about seeing your schools name in the news and your name associated. Feel like you were smart enough to buy Apple stock in 1980, if you were alive then.
JOHN
Our client said all that?
MARK
No. Hes all mission-focused on the miracles they may discover some day, and the fact they built an entire lab without a budget to stock it. Eggheads! But he says donors light up when they see the lab.
JOHN
Do they have open-house days for donors?
MARK
Yep. I even saw some of the welcome donors signs they put out.
JOHN
Is there a high roller we can feature; who could be there when we shoot b roll?
MARK
A Mrs. Eugenia Flatbush Hagenbottom has been generous enough that her name is now on one
Most recent headlines
17/02/2025
TVBEurope talks to the team who brought a piece of broadcasting history back to life on BBC Wales last night
By Jenny Priestley
Published: February 14, 2025 ...
17/02/2025
Eligible studios will receive the relief directly from their local authorities, with no need to submit a claim
By Matthew Corrigan
Published: February 17, 20...
17/02/2025
As DEI initiatives come under pressure in the USA, supporters of Rise, which promotes diversity in the media and entertainment sector, discuss the continuing im...
17/02/2025
EIB Global loan will partially fund SES's continued O3b mPOWER medium earth orbit (MEO) fleet expansion enabling additional capacity worldwide. O3b mPOWER s...
15/02/2025
At Nielsen, Business Resource Groups (BRGs) play a critical role in nurturing a ...
15/02/2025
Innovation to empower creativity: Explore the latest in Lightroom
Rob Christensen February 15, 2025
0 Comments
Whether you want to remove distracting ...
15/02/2025
Wisycom, a worldwide leader in RF technology and provider of wireless solutions, announces a new distribution agreement with EQUAPHON. An Argentinian profession...
15/02/2025
DPA Microphones, the leading manufacturer of high-quality microphone solutions, is pleased to welcome Nicholas Nick Mariano and Vincent Vince Divine to the ...
15/02/2025
Tuxera, a leading provider of quality-assured file systems and networking solutions, will showcase how Tuxera Fusion SMB enables unprecedented performance for m...
15/02/2025
Bitmovin's latest Video Developer Report indicates an increasing role of AI, the slow adoption of next-generation codecs, and continuing challenges when it ...
15/02/2025
When Michelin Enterprises set out to promote its prestigious Hotel Guide in the new Sleepless in the Kitchen , campaign, veteran German/Slovenian gaffer Robert...
15/02/2025
Formula E, the world's first all-electric racing series, revolutionizing motorsport with cutting-edge technology and a commitment to sustainability has sele...
15/02/2025
Agile Content, a global leader in TV and video technology solutions, announces its rebranding to AgileTV.
The transition to AgileTV stems from a commitment to ...
15/02/2025
Hiltron Communications will promote the latest additions to its range of satellite communication products, systems and supporting services at GovSatCom 2025. Th...
15/02/2025
Following the success of the original Airglow Booklight, DoPchoice debuts a new addition to their inflatable line the Float. This lightweight, inflatable, round...
15/02/2025
LAS VEGAS Marshall Electronics has announced that it will debut its newest camera controller, the RCP Plus, at the 2025 NAB Show at Booth N2649 between April 5 ...
15/02/2025
ATLANTA Gray Media has named Blake Sebo as the next general manager of KTUU and KYES, Gray's NBC and CBS affiliates in Anchorage, Alaska....
15/02/2025
KOKKEDAL, Denmark DPA Microphones will feature its new CORE+ technology for distortion-free microphone sound at the 2025 NAB Show, April 5-9, in Las Vegas....
15/02/2025
SWANSEA, U.K. QuickLink will launch StudioPro-NDI and StudioPro-3, two new models of its QuickLine StudioPro video production platform, at the 2025 NAB Show, Ap...
15/02/2025
Live From 2025 NBA All-Star Game Weekend: After 25 Years, Turner Sports All-In F...
15/02/2025
NASCAR Driver Cam on Max Embraces Cloud-Based Workflow for 2025 Season Chris Brown of WBD Sports says Mobii will play key part in delivering signals from the tr...
14/02/2025
Last month, we officially launched the Spotify Partner Program, a powerful new m...
14/02/2025
From an island off the coast of Lutruwita to the global stage in France SBS & ...
14/02/2025
The future of electro-optical/infrared (EO/IR) land systems is evolving so that ...
14/02/2025
Here are 5 reasons why you should attend ISE 2025
Discover more about Calrec: Learn more about Calrec's legacy of innovation in broadcast audio solutions ...
14/02/2025
World Radio Day: On the same wavelength
By Graham Murray, International Sales Manager at Calrec
To mark World Radio Day, Calrec's International Sales Ma...
14/02/2025
DALLAS and TYSONS, Va. Tegna has concluded a broadcast rights agreement that makes Tegna's KFAA in Dallas the exclusive local television partner of the Dall...
14/02/2025
Amazon's Prime Video has released a new app for Apple TV that the streamer said delivers an improved streaming experiences with faster scrolling, improved s...
14/02/2025
CLEVELAND Telos Alliance announced a software update for its Axia Quasar XR and SR line of audio-over-IP (AoIP) mixing consoles and will show the offering at th...
14/02/2025
Puget Systems Returns to HPA Tech Retreat 2025 with New Analysis Tools for Puge...
14/02/2025
Glass Animals: Tour of Earth Uses Blackmagic Live Production Workflow
Brie Clayton February 14, 2025
0 Comments
80six deploys Blackmagic URSA Broadcas...
14/02/2025
A dispute between Paramount and Youtube TV that would have pulled CBS stations and Paramount's cable channels from the streaming service has been temporaril...
14/02/2025
Colourist Deidre (Dee) McClelland details how she helped shape the distinct look and feel of whimsical Oscar-nominated stop-motion film, Memoir of a Snail
By C...
14/02/2025
BitFire said it intends to introduce forward-looking services that simplify the launch of live production workflows, and enhance real-time collaboration
By Jen...
14/02/2025
The claim by the liquidators is the latest twist in the ongoing saga of the companys collapse at the end of 2021
By Matthew Corrigan
Published: February 14, ...
14/02/2025
A carriage dispute between YouTube TV and Paramount could come to a head today (Feb. 13), with the virtual pay TV provider threatening to pull all of the progra...
14/02/2025
ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, N.J. LG Electronics USA has opened a new in-house, state-of-the-art virtual production studio at its 360,000-square-foot North American headqu...
14/02/2025
NEW YORK In a bid to help local broadcasters find new ways of monetizing their content, the Coalition for Innovative Media Measurement (CIMM) and TVB have relea...
14/02/2025
WASHINGTON Three Democratic U.S. Senators have sent a stern letter blasting FCC Chair Brendan Carr for the weaponization of the agency for attacking broadcast...
14/02/2025
Years after launching the streaming service Apple TV+ in November of 2019, Apple has finally released a version of its steaming app for Android devices....
14/02/2025
FOOTHILL RANCH, Calif. Red Digital Cinema will make its V-RAPTOR [X] and KOMODO-X camera systems available with Nikon's premier Z Mount, providing filmmaker...
14/02/2025
DAYTONA, Fla. The Fox Sports production of this year's Daytona 500 will see the addition of a few new tech elements and the continued unfolding of the broad...
14/02/2025
Watch Bryson Battles Blind Audition on The Voice Get a Four-Chair Turn Michael Bubl said the Boston Conservatory at Berklee musical theater senior might have...
14/02/2025
2025 Daytona 500: FOX Sports Looks To Ride Super Bowl LIX Momentum Into NASCAR S...
14/02/2025
14 Feb 2025
VEON's Kyivstar and the Come Back Alive Foundation Raise USD 2....
14/02/2025
Max Renews THE PITT, Starring Noah Wyle, For A Second Season
Max
Warner Bros. Television Group
The Pitt
New Episodes Of The Medical Drama From John...
14/02/2025
This year, Technicolor proudly celebrates 110 years of shaping the magic of cinema pioneering color, visual effects, and innovation that bring unforgettable l...
14/02/2025
NBA All-Star: More Games, More Teams, More Music, More Sound From the Court Turner Sports' team will deploy familiar tech to capture all the audio By Dan D...
14/02/2025
LIV Golf Continues To Innovate With Drones, Data-Driven Graphics, and All-Access...
Save This Script, Episode 3 
